Thursdays

Time spent in my dorm room without my hermit roommate is precious. If pizza and A&W could be delivered to her door and her classes were online she would NEVER EVER LEAVE THAT ROOM. Her heaven is that over-pillowed bed surrounded by sparkly vampire posters.
On Thursdays, her classes begin at 8:30 a.m., while my first is at 2:30 p.m. Leaving me with a solid 5 hours of quality undies time. Most importantly, not only can I wear as LITTLE AS I WANT and listen to WHATEVER I WANT but I can get work done at the same time! Wednesday night I envision vast amounts of impressive homework accomplishment. I think I'm going to use these hours to practice come Arabic, read my Anthropology and start that 10-page paper. Then I get even more carried away thinking not only that, but I will slay that monster of a laundry pile that I have fed to obesity! I will wake myself up obscenely early in order to make full use of all this time! YAY PRODUCTIVITY!
Aaaaand no. I ignore my alarm, waste hours on the internet and pretend there isn't a beast of a laundry pile engulfing my room. Things never go as planned (minus me spending a significant amount of time in my undies and rocking out.) At 1:30, I realize that I have wasted yet another Thursday morning and berate myself for being such a useless slug. I will develop self-discipline! Eventually...

The Taunting

My dear roommate, wrapped in her cocoon of junk food behind her walls of countless root beer cans is blissfully unaware of the vigorous thrusting occurring on the opposite side of the wall. She bops to Ke$ha and devours a greasy bag of Lord-only-knows-what while I try my hardest to pretend I don’t hear the ecstatic moans and awkward squeaks through paper mache walls. Really M? Forgive me if I'm being an ignorant virgin, but you're very well-practiced so surely you must have figured out a way to turn down the volume by now.